Assertiveness: Mastering confidence by being more self-assured at work
Today, we're diving into a topic that's near and dear to every career-driven woman's heart: assertive communication. Picture this: confidently navigating workplace interactions like a pro, expressing your needs and ideas with clarity and conviction, and earning the respect and admiration of your colleagues. Sounds pretty empowering, right? Well, fear not, because with a dash of know-how and a sprinkle of charm, you'll be well on your way to mastering the art of assertive communication. So, grab your metaphorical megaphone, because we're about to amplify your voice and supercharge your career!
What is Assertive Communication, Anyway?
Before we dive into the nitty-gritty, let's get clear on what assertive communication actually means. Assertiveness is all about expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a clear, honest, and respectful manner. It's about standing up for yourself, setting boundaries, and advocating for what you believe in, all while maintaining a positive and collaborative approach. In other words, it's about finding that sweet spot between being a doormat and being a steamroller – assertive communication is like the Goldilocks of workplace interactions, just right!
And getting it ‘just right’ is important. It can feel like walking a tightrope, especially when societal expectations label assertive women as 'bossy' or 'pushy.' Don’t let this get in your way to being assertive though, especially for you ‘people pleasers’ out there. There is most certainly a sweet spot. It just takes some time to find it.
Tips and Tricks for Assertive Communication:
Now that we've got the basics down, let's dive into some actionable tips and tricks for mastering assertive communication like a true pro:
Know Your Worth
Confidence is key when it comes to assertive communication. Take some time to reflect on your strengths, accomplishments, and the value you bring to the table. Remind yourself that your voice matters and that you deserve to be heard. I used to have a voice in my head saying, ‘Well, they won’t be interested in what I’ve got to say’ – I changed that irritating good for nothing voice to say ‘I've got a unique perspective and insights that could be just what someone needs to hear. Who knows? Maybe my ideas are the missing piece to someone else's puzzle. So, why not give it a shot and see where it takes me? What’s the worst that can happen” This voice is far more helpful!
Practice Active Listening
Communication is a two-way street, so don't forget to listen as much as you speak. Practice active listening by giving your full attention to the speaker, maintaining eye contact, and paraphrasing what they've said to ensure understanding. This not only shows respect for the other person but also helps build rapport and trust. I find this particularly helpful when things get a little heated. Take the emotions out of any response and simply state the facts you are hearing. “So what I’m hearing is you are annoyed that the deadline has been missed” (I’m not apologising, but I am acknowledging that they are annoyed)
Use "I" Statements
When expressing your thoughts or feelings, use "I" statements to take ownership of your perspective without sounding accusatory or confrontational. For example, instead of saying, "You always interrupt me in meetings," try saying, "I feel frustrated when I'm interrupted in meetings."
Use precise language
Words like ‘sort of’ ‘sometimes’ ‘maybe’ can show indecision or lack of conviction. Choose your words carefully to boost clarity and assertiveness. And avoid ‘does that make sense’ – it undermines what you’ve just said. Instead “Does anyone have anything to add/Any questions”
Set Clear Boundaries
Boundaries are your best friend when it comes to assertive communication. Clearly define what you're comfortable with and what you're not, and communicate those boundaries assertively but respectfully. Remember, it's okay to say no – your time and energy are valuable!
Practice Assertive Body Language
Your body language can speak volumes, so make sure it's sending the right message. Stand tall, make eye contact, and use open and confident gestures to convey your message. Avoid crossing your arms or slouching, as these can signal defensiveness or insecurit
Learn to Say No
Saying no can be tough, especially for us superwomen who want to do it all. But remember, saying no to one thing means saying yes to something else – namely, your own well-being. Practice saying no assertively but graciously, and don't feel the need to justify or apologize for your decision. This is a whole topic in itself that I will cover in more detail next time.
Putting It Into Practice
Now that you've got the tools in your arsenal, it's time to put them into practice! Start small by assertively expressing your needs or preferences in everyday interactions, whether it's speaking up in meetings, setting boundaries with colleagues, or giving feedback to your boss. Set yourself a goal. I will speak in every team meeting. I will not work weekends or past 6pm and I will say NO if taking on an additional task would mean working late or weekends. If it still feels a big ask, start with strangers. Speak to someone in a lift or on a bus. Enjoy the interactions. I promise it will build your confidence and your ability to say what you really think and be assertive.
With each assertive act, you'll build confidence and strengthen your assertiveness muscle, paving the way for even greater success and fulfilment in your career.
So go ahead, unleash your inner confidence, and let your assertive voice be heard loud and clear. The world – and your career – is yours for the taking!
